overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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