so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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