it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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