everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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