that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
