trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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