No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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