I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
