well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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