shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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