I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
