guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
