You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
