She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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