You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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