i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
