I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
