You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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