What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
