the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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