take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
