smell my finger.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
