a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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