I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
