Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
