I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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