I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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