whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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