the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
