My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
