Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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