oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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