The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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