Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
