just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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