was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
