I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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