All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
