well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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