that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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