she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize