And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
