you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just blew my weed a kiss
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba