I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!