There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now