imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE