I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.