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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
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