Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
