I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
