He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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