tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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