Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
