i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
