Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
