Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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