Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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