Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
