The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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