Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
