I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
