I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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