yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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