woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.