More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
