I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize