1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
