The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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