wakey wakey hands off snakey
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
