Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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