just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
