Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
