absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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