This dress was meant to end up on your floor
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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